S : "Aku mau kamu seutuhnya, bukan cuma hati aja. Kalo cuma hati, nanti kamu bisa selingkuh fisik."

Forever is (not) a myth.

Satu percakapan diatas motor. Yang awalnya ngomongin "selamanya itu nggak ada.", lalu menjadi,

A : "Kalo aku mati duluan, kamu mau gimana?"
S : "Ya aku tetep hidup. Ntar yang ngurusin makammu siapa."
A : "Tapi kamu bakal cari cewek lagi nggak?"
S : "Ya pokoknya aku tetep suka sama kamu."
A : "Aneh, masa' suka sama orang mati."
S : "Emangnya nggak boleh suka sama orang mati?"

Sekali lagi.

Peluh jatuh.
Kamu terjebak diantara nyata dan fana.
Kamu terjebak di pikiranku.
Genggam tanganku dan buka matamu.
Kamu akan tahu bahwa ada sesuatu yang salah dari ini.
Tapi yang kau tatap hanya tembok kosong penuh retak.
Sesekali kamu mengedipkan mata.
Atau bahkan menutup mata.
Aku tidak habis pikir.
Maksudmu kamu lupa bahwa ada aku, atau aku memang sebenarnya tidak ada?
Aku bingung.
Seperti bulan yang bersembunyi dibelakang punggung.
Malu untuk bertanya untuk apa dia disini.
Yang bisa dia lakukan hanya mengintip dari kejauhan.
Berharap menemukan jawabannya dari awan.
Tidak bisakah kamu menatap mataku sejenak? Melupakan apa yang ada di depan kita atau belakang kita?
Pikirkanlah apa yang ada sekarang juga. Detik ini juga.
Karna kamu akan tahu bahwa kita adalah satu.

If I let you in, you'd just want out.

If I tell you the truth, you'd vie for a lie.

If I spilt my guts, it would make a mess we can't clean up.

If you follow me, you will only get lost.

If you try to get closer, we'll only lose touch.

Yes you already know too much, and you're not going anywhere.


Tell me that you need me 'cause I love you so much.

Tell me that you love me 'cause I need you so much.

Tell me that you need me 'cause I love you so much.

Say you'll never leave me 'cause I need you so much.

Oh.

Jantungku terhempas lagi.

Otakku juga. Jemariku, apalagi.

Hatiku mati rasa sepertinya kesemutan.

Mataku pun lupa daratan.

Aku dapat apa yang aku tidak mau.

Mau tidak mau, ini sudah meracuniku.

Aku butuh alkohol sepertinya. Ah, tidak. Aku butuh kamu.

Ya, kamu saja. Tanpa topeng yang biasa kamu bawa.

Tanpa rasa kelu yang selalu disembunyikan.

Tanpa airmata yang membendung di kantung matamu.

Tanpa senapan yang berkarat.

Ya, hanya kamu dengan tubuhmu.

Sayang, sudah cukupi saja ragumu itu.

Lama-lama kamu hanya mati dimakan sesal.

Atau pingsan diracun asa.

Aku yakin ini hanya sementara.

Ini ujian Tuhan semata.

Jangan berhenti berpeluh darah.

Aku disini masih bisa menunjuk kemana arahmu.

Aku disini masih bisa menjadi tujuan masa depan.

Aku disini, masih menyayangi kamu seperti biasa.

Komplikasi.

Remuk redam.
Ini senandung pertikaian atas pikiranku.
Rasanya seperti tipsy di pinggir jurang.
Mungkin aku hanya akan jatuh dan mati.
Tapi kamu ada di ujung sana, menarik tanganku.
Tapi akhirnya hanya diberi muka datar tanpa dosa.
Aku mengerang. Tapi kamu menutup telingamu, eranganku adalah erangan terburuk sedunia, katamu.
Lalu aku menitikkan airmata merahku.
Wanita hebat harusnya tidak menangis, katamu.
Aku tahu aku bukan dididik untuk jadi manusia lemah.
Namun kenapa untuk bersikap tegas dihadapanmu saja aku tidak bisa?

Q&A

• 1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?
• - My unproductive life. His attitude.
• 2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?
• - Sure.
• 3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?
• - Maybe.
• 4: Do you find it easy to trust others?
• - Depends on their attitude.
• 5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?
• - Laying down on my bed, listening to my omfg playlist.
• 6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?
• - God.
• 7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
• - Kick him on the dick. Punch him on the troath. Leave him&find a new one!
• 8: Are you close with your dad?
• - No. But I was.
• 9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?
• - Nope.
• 10: What are you listening to?
• - A Day To Remember - All I Want.
• 11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?
• - MOUNTAIN DEW. omfg sweet baby jesus oh please.
• 12. Do you like hickeys?
• - .....wtf? Hell no.
• 13: What time do you go to bed?
• - About 11pm-12am.
• 14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
• - Yes, but I won't tell you.
• 15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?
• - No, because it's uncomfortable anyway.
• 16: Do you always answer your texts?
• - Depends on who it is or how important it is, lol.
• 17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?
• - Of course no.
• 18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
• - My boyf's crib.
• 19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?
• - Yes.
• 20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
• - Him. Yes, as always.
• 21: Is anyone else in the room with you?
• - Yes, almost the whole family.
• 22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?
• - SURE I DO.
• 23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?
• - Yes, actually...
• 24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?
• - Yes ;-(
• 25: In the past week, have you cried?
• - Yes.
• 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?
• - Black.
• 27: Do people ever call you by your last name?
• - Yes.
• 28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?
• - OMG YES..
• 29: Do you have a best friend?
• - Of course.
• 30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
• - You don't say??? But I won't let it happen.
• 31: Who was your last call from?
• - Mom.
• 32: Are you mad at anyone?
• - Yes.
• 33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
• - Yes,
• 34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?
• - 20.
• 35: How many more days until your birthday?
• - 10 days! Nice, right?
• 36: Do you have any summer plans yet?
• - All I wanna do is go to the beach & spend the holiday with my boyf & friends. Fuckyea.
• 37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?
• - Yes.
• 38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?
• - Yes, obviously.
• 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?
• - Yes.
• 40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
• - Yes.
• 41: Do you think age matters in relationships?
• - No, I think.
• 42: Are you available?
• - No.
• 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?
• - It's a secret, lol.
• 44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?
• - Tongue or belly.
• 45: Do you believe exes can be friends?
• - HELL NO. Stranger, this what exes would be.
• 46: Do you regret anything?
• - Yes, I regret everything what I did since last year.
• 47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?
• - I miss him sooo much ;-(
• 48: Did you ever lose a best friend?
• - Yes, once.
• 49: Was your last kiss a mistake?
• - Of course not.
• 50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?
• - Already got him <3<3<3
• 51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?
• - Not yet.
• 52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?
• - Yes.
• 53: What was the last thing you ate?
• - Noodle.
• 54: Did you get any compliments today?
• - No.
• 55: Where are you going on your next vacation?
• - Jakarta!
• 56: Do you own anything from other countries?
• - Yes, they're from Thai, Iran, and Singapore.
• 57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?
• - Guys, actually.
• 58: Where have you lived most of your life?
• - Yogyakarta.
• 59: When was the last time you took a long drive?
• - Last year.
• 60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?
• - Yes.
• 61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?
• - Nope.
• 62: Who do you text the most?
• - My boyf.
• 63: What was the last movie you saw?
• - Fast5.
• 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?
• - Love him the way he is as much as I could. Being just the way I am. Be there if he needs me. Make him laugh.
• 65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010?
• - About 2-3. Idk :-/
• 66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?
• - No.
• 67: Do you curse around your parents?
• - Of course not.
• 68: Are you happy with where you live?
• - Yes, I am. But I'm kinda bored in here.

My Summer Anthem!

My Summer Anthem! by voiciamelia featuring silk scarves

Proudly say to my dear friend :
Happy 18th Birthday, Mudrikhah Swandhani <3
Keep unique, keep smart, independent, beautiful.
Sukses buat UNASnya, dapet universitas yg kamu pengen. Kabar2 aja kalo udah mulai ngampus. Jangan lupa sama aku. Tunggu aku nyusul ya, masih setahun lagi :(
Cepatlah move on, nanti matik lho. You're more precious than that girl or any girl he ever been. y' know?


Love ya, honi! ;) *mbribik*